Manly Picnics Are A Thing Of The Past
by Roxius
Summary: Lilly and Hanako are yankees? Rin is bent on world domination? Emi is a fat, depressing lazy slob? Kenji fights for feminist rights? All of this and more in a series of Katawa Shoujo AU drabbles. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Katawa Shoujo.

A/N: These guys would make an awesome Akatsuki parody.

This is essentially a bunch of drabbles featuring an AU/OOC Katawa Shoujo life...

* * *

**_01. Demon Girl Lilly and Inferno Hanako, the two nefarious yankee girls_**

Throughout the entirety of Yamaku High, there were two girls who were feared by both students and teachers for their ruthlessness. They ruled the school together with an iron fist, and willingly beat down anyone who got in their way. They wore black leather jackets decked out in chains and insignias of the many gangs they had defeated in the past, never once belittling themselves by putting on the traditional school uniforms. One of them the daughter of a rich aristocratic family, and the other an insane arsonist who once set herself on fire just to see what it was like. They were closest things to being considered as real-life demons.

They were known as Demon Girl Lilly and Inferno Hanako.

"What the hell did you just say, you fatass ugly son of a bitch?!!!"

The chubby boy let out a cry as Hanako's fist connected with his engorged belly, causing him to topple backwards onto the ground. Snickering to herself, Hanako knelt down beside the fat boy and took out a small cigarette lighter. She snapped off the cap and flicked it on, her smile widening at the horrified look that formed on the fat boy's cherubic face. Hanako brought the tiny flame so close towards the boy's face that it nearly singed his bare skin. Streams of tears were pouring down the poor kid's bulging cheeks.

"...You're gonna apologize, right?" Hanako asked calmly, grinning from ear to ear.

The boy gulped. "H...Huh?"

"I said," Hanako brought the very tip of the flame just a little bit closer, "I want you to apologize for what you said. You called me and Lilly a 'couple of psycho dykes', didn't you...?"

"I...I..."

"I have good ears, kid. Not as good as Lilly's, but good enough to have heard that bullshit come out of your mouth!! Now take it back!!!" The fat boy stared Hanako straight in the eye, and it sent a shiver crawling up his spine; she was actually serious about setting him on fire if he did not comply. The fat boy gulped again.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." He squeaked so quietly that Hanako almost didn't hear him.

Hanako snapped the cap back on the lighter, and stood up. "Good boy. Now get the hell out of my sight, piggy."

The fat boy didn't waste a single second as he scampered to his feet and dashed off down the hallway, sobbing loudly into his hands. Hanako smirked; it was always fun teasing the retards. Shoving her hands deep into her jacket pockets, Hanako stood still for a few seconds before walking away.

'Hmm...I better go find Lilly...'

* * *

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT, HUH?!! YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT?!! YOU AIN'T NOTHING, MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU AIN'T NOTHING!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I RUN THINGS HERE, THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SCHOOL AND GO BACK HOME SO YOU CAN SUCK ON YOUR MOMMY'S BIG, RED DICK, YOU PUSSY-ASSED BITCH!!! I OUGHTA BANG YOUR BLOODY HEAD IN-"

"Lilly."

"STUPID, UGLY SHIT-HEADED MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU BETTER LEARN YOUR PLACE SOON, OR YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO MY FISTS AND MY CANE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"Lilly!"

"I'LL BEAT YOU!! I'LL SMASH YOU!!! I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM MOTHERFUCKING LIMB!!! I'LL RIP YOUR GODDAMN SPLEEN OUT AND EAT IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AS THE LIGHT DIMINISHES FROM YOUR EYES, MOTHERFUCKER!!! I'LL DO IT!!! I'LL RAPE YO' MAMA!! I'LL RAPE YO' MAMA!!! I'LL RAPE EVERY ONE OF YOUR GODDAMN FAMILY MEMBERS, ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN' DOG, IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL-"

"LILLY!!!"

The young blonde woman instantly spun around. "Yes, Hanako-chan...?"

"You've been...yelling at the wall for the past ten minutes. The asshole already left..." Hanako pointed out, placing a hand upon the blind girl's shoulder. Indeed, just as Hanako had said, the hallway was completely empty.

Lilly cursed under his breath. "Goddammit, Hanako...if you were here, I would have pummeled the moron! Now I made myself look like a fool...I'd beat the shit out of you for leaving me hanging dry in the middle of a crowd like that if you weren't my friend!"

"I know, I know...I was busy taking care of a little piggy who spoke ill of us..." Hanako grunted as she took out a pack of Marlboro cigarettes from her back pocket. She slid a single cigarette in between her lips, and did the same for Lilly. She then proceeded to light both of the cigarettes with her lighter from earlier.

"Oh? What'd he say?"

"He said we were a couple of psycho dykes or something..."

Lilly thought for a moment, and she huffed a large blast of smoke out from the sides of her mouth. "You know...we kinda do give off that impression...being psychotic and all...and we're two girls who happen to be quite close...and we're rather butch too..."

Hanako gasped; she was right! "Oh my god..."

"Alright, how about this?!" Lilly said as she grasped tightly onto her cigarette in between two of her fingers, "The first good-looking guy we meet...we'll hook up with him to prevent anyone from calling us dykes ever again!! Of course, I won't be able to see if he's good-looking or not, so I'll have to rely on you to tell me!!"

"A good-looking guy? In this school?! Ha...that'll never happen..." Hanako snickered.

A few days later, Hisao Nakai was transferred to their school.


End file.
